Donnerstag, Juli 30

if I ever were to change

would this all remain the same?

I'm confused, but I guess there was never a time I managed to see the things in front of me clear. Lately I've been crying a lot and I keep blaming all the stress, but I think that's not it. I'm not even sure what is, to be honest. Maybe it even is only the stress, the work and the whole moving out business. Ah yes, I'm moving out. Only two weeks left and then it's Bye Bye Germany. I guess I'll keep blogging from the Netherlands, but my friend and I might also start a blog together, if so I'll post the link on here. But for now, I'm trying to forget the fact that I have plans for every single day until the moving out date and concentrate on the fact that things seem to be normal. That's probably what confuses me so much; the whole living a normal life thing. I'm moving out, leaving for college while trying to get my crush to fall for me and balancing a job on top of that so I stay financially stable. All that is very stressful to be honest, but it's all so 
very normal, it's frightening.
I still get nightmares though, keep dreaming about a living best friend and a dead brother and I wake up crying more than once. It's exhausting, but I'd be even more confused if everything 
in my life were to be normal. I'm not made for normal.

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