Sonntag, November 15

ich heb ab

when will I see you again?
you left with no goodbye,
not a single word was said

I will grant myself happiness, I will finally give myself that new beginning I kept aiming for and I will not regret it. College is nice, there are people who care about me; people I care about. I keep waking up in my own apartment in a city I love with one of my best friends sleeping in the next room and I keep studying a subject I feel passionate about surrounded by people I can learn to love. And all that far away from the horrible memories of who I used to be and what I used to do to myself. If you ever needed someone to tell you that it gets better, listen: it does. Two years ago I was at the verge of death, ripping my own body apart, pushing away people and jumping from one suicide attempt to the next. A year ago I was at the verge of madness, crying myself to sleep every single night, trying to live with all the regrets, all the guilt and all this pain. It's still there, but it has gotten so much better. I am alive, I survived myself and the war I had been fighting inside myself with no hope of ever winning, but I did. I won. And here I am now, after I had already given up on a future, I am still standing and I can go out into the world smiling, because it got better and I know, somewhere deep inside me, that I made it. And so can you. 

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