mundane

I wonder why I have yet to be consumed by guilt when most days that is all I feel. It's probably because I am still fighting against it even so I know it was a lost battle from day one. I feel guilty for your death even so I was miles away and I never had the power to cure that illness, I feel guilty for his death as well even so I wasn't the one driving that car. I feel guilty for leaving friends behind and hurting my family with trying to commit suicide even so it's hardly my fault I'm mentally ill. I feel guilty for my failures, for not working harder, for always wanting more even so it's not my fault I was born human. I feel guilty for so many things even so it's hardly ever my fault. Yes, I do mistakes and I feel guilty for those too, but I was forgiven for those and I can start forgiving myself, but where do I even begin? It's like there are so many regrets, too many wrong turns and bad decisions, but that's just life and I'm not supposed to be consumed by a feeling that shouldn't be there in the first place.